Welcome LoveWorks Students!
We’re excited for you that you’re going on this great Relationship Journey. The next 6 weeks will be pivotal for your relationships for the rest of your life.
On this page you will find the digital version of Singles Breakthrough to Love.
Each class session is approx. one hour in length, except for session 1 which is one-and-a-half hour. Session 1 is divided in two parts, so there are two mp3 files, Session 1 Part 1, and Session 1 Part 2, respectively. All other sessions are in just one file.
From each session, you can either just hit the Play button and listen directly from your computer, phone, or tablet; or you can click the mp3 download button to download the audio file to your computer, and from there to your your phone or tablet.
Recorded Live Group Coaching Calls are located towards the bottom.
The homework assignments, articles, etc. are pdf files. The files are placed under the relevant sessions. When you click their links, the documents will open in a new window. To save to your computer, right-click the link and save the file (on Mac, control-click).
Dive into this material with an open heart, an open mind, and an adventurous spirit! Decide even before you begin that this course will forever change how you relate!
Have fun with it!
|12-17-14: Best LoveWorks Tools||12-10-14|
|12-3-14: Victim-Rescuer-Persecutor||11-16-14: Gratitude and Vulnerability|
|11-12-14: SBR Session 6 - The Power of Belief||11-5-14 SBR Session 5 - The Stories We Tell|
|10-29-14 SBR Session 4 - Claiming Being Single||10-22-14: SBR Session 3 - Completing Past Relationships|
|10-15-14: SBR Session 2 - Where You Already Have What You Want||10-8-14: SBR Session 1 - Your Relationship Vision Narrative|
|10-2-14: Dealing with Change||9-24-14: Allow and Use Everything That Shows Up|
|9-17-14: Everything Changes||9-10-14: Choosing a Positive Story|
|9-3-14: Your Favorite LoveWorks Tool||8-27-14: Online Dating Profiles|
|8-20-14: Expand to Include||8-13-14: Designing Questions that Work|
|8-6-14: Full Potential Always Moves Forward||7-30-14: What do you want|
|7-16-14: Dont Resist What You Dont Like||7-9-14: I Always Attract Same Kind of Partner|
|7-2-14: Sufficiency-How to Be Enough||6-18-14: Boundaries and Balance|
|6-11-14: Noticing Habit of Attention||6-4-14: Stay Out of Your Head|
|5-28-14: Two Wolves-Which Do You Feed||5-14-14: How to Line Up when You Feel Split|
|5-7-14: We All Have Equal Access to Source||4-30-14: Trusting Yourself|
|4-23-14: Use Negative Emotion to Change Your Story||4-9-14: Make room for people to change|
|4-2-14: Living in The Question||3-26-14: Expanding Pleasure Quotient|
|3-26-14: Expanding Pleasure Quotient||2-5-14: What wants to be created|
|1-29-14: Dropping Into Awesomeness||1-22-14: Your mess is your message|
|1-15-14: Don't Look for a Husband||1-8-14: New Years Resolutions|
Singles Breakthrough to Love Sessions 1-6
|Singles Breakthrough to Love Session 1||Singles Breakthrough to Love Session 2|
|Singles Breakthrough to Love Session 3||Singles Breakthrough to Love Session 4|
|Singles Breakthrough to Love Session 5||Singles Breakthrough to Love Session 6|
“Is this the one?”
Dealing With Questions and Uncertainty In the Early Stages of Relationship
By Sonika Tinker, MSW, Founder of LoveWorks!
Exploring a new relationship with someone is both an exhilarating experience
and a frightening one. Here you are opening your heart, soul and body to
someone with wild abandon and love with absolutely no commitment or
guarantee of any future.
There is immense possibility for creating the relationship of your dreams on the
one hand, and great risk and uncertainty on the other. Somewhere, you know,
without a commitment or promise, you could be abandoned or rejected and
deeply hurt at any time.
There is great love, and great fear.
It is challenging to open your heart to someone so completely with no promise or
certainty. The discomfort of NOT KNOWING the future that comes with the joy
and exhilaration of intimate bliss can be emotionally quite unsettling. Even
The unsure mind wants to comfort itself with KNOWING the future. It attempts to
answer questions like, “Is this THE ONE? Are we going to be together forever?
Does he or she love me? Do I love them? Is this what I really want? Am I
settling? Will I be happy? What about the problems we have? Will they escalate
and get worse? Or improve?”
Unfortunately, trying to answer these questions too soon is a mistake. Too often,
people rush into making relationship determinations and decisions before their
time. Or they try to force their partner to decide the future of the relationship
before they are ready.
This focus on trying to figure out whether to marry or split up gets in the way of
allowing the relationship to organically unfold. People end and start relationships
too quickly because they cannot stand to be with the uncertainty of the questions
and the corresponding fear that arises.
In truth, it takes time to assess whether or not you are willing to commit and
spend your life with another. It takes recurrence with someone over time to know
whether or not you can trust one another to work through breakdowns as they
arise and to successfully take care of your mutual needs and desires.
It can sometimes take people a couple of years before they feel resolved enough
in their relationship choice to commit to marriage.
So what do we do with all the emotional discomfort in the meantime? How do we
deal with all of these unanswered questions and the fears that arise in the course
of building relationship?
First, make peace with the questions – both yours and theirs. They will be here
awhile. Know that questions do not necessarily mean you do not want to be
together or that you don’t love each other.
Expand yourself to include both the deep love you are experiencing with your
new partner and the fears, concerns and questions that abound. These questions
are part of the dating process.
Focus on the now as much as possible. Instead of future thinking, focus on what
is good and wonderful about your relationship. Enjoy the experience you ARE
having, not the one you imagine you will NOT BE having later.
Be in a mood of appreciation and gratitude for the wonderful experiences you
ARE sharing together. Speak them out loud to each other. This practice will
soothe your fears.
When you are afraid, feel, own and share your feelings. For example, saying, I
am scared, will bring you closer whereas jumping into your head and trying to get
him or her to commit too early will only drive you apart.
Instead of asking future questions that instill doubt and fear, ask questions that
instill joy, confidence and hope. Ask questions like, “How can I express my love
more today? Where can I be more honest and transparent? How would I be if I
trusted the perfect unfolding of this relationship? How would I be if I knew this
was my perfect partner or a divinely inspired step towards my perfect partner?”
And most importantly make sure to keep nourishing yourself outside the
relationship. Take bubble baths, listen to uplifting music, get together with friends,
dance, exercise, meditate, get emotional support from a coach, keep working on
your own personal development, etc. Participating in activities and engaging in
practices that keep you feeling good about yourself are crucial. They will help you
stay centered and expand your emotional capacity to deal with the uncertainty
inherent in the initial phases of courtship.
Lastly, know that your questions will get answered over time. The old adage,
Time Will Tell, has great truth. YOUR QUESTIONS WILL GET ANSWERED BY
THEMSELVES! You need only trust this fact and wait patiently. Be sure to revel
in the bliss and wonder of your relationship in the meantime!
Allow love to flourish and take you where it wants to go. As much as possible,
enjoy the rush that comes from the unfolding of love, and don’t rush to decide
where it will all end up too quickly.
Because, if you do, you may very well prevent love from growing at all.