Do you ever have something you really want, but you are afraid to ask for it?
Do you ever try to ignore it, hoping it’ll go away?
Unfortunately, there is a consequence to not saying those things – withdrawal, upset, tension, distance, illness…
The longer we don’t say what we really feel and think, the worse it gets.
After almost two years of very-long-distance relationship dating, I remember the first time I dared to tell Christian something I’d been thinking for a long time:
I really wanted to live with him and build a life together.
Up until that point, he’d been reticent about leaving his home country and I had been reluctant to ask for what I wanted. I didn’t want to appear selfish and uncaring; I didn’t want to risk pushing him away further. I was scared he might end our relationship if he knew how deeply I wanted commitment and marriage.
But I couldn’t make my desire go away, no matter what I did.
I remembered someone saying …
“When the truth is told, peace is inevitable.”
These words gave me the strength to say what was going on for me. I decided to trust that my desire would take us to a good place, even if it meant not being together.
So one day, when we were in the hot tub, and we were both out of sorts, I blurted out …
“It’s true. I WANT to build a life together. I can’t do that if you keep going back to Denmark and we have to start all over every three months. I want YOU. I want to live with you and share every day with you. I WANT to build with you!”
The power of my words hung in the air.
Then, an amazing thing happened. It was like Christian woke up. Right there and then, he realized that he wanted to build with me too.
That was eight years ago.
I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had continued to play it safe.
How much longer would it have taken for us to commit? Might we have wrecked our relationship before then by not telling the truth?
The feelings and desires that won’t go away are trying to tell us something. They are our friends, our guidance system. If we don’t listen to them, they just get louder.
So here is a question for you:
What deep feelings are you hoping will go away if you don’t say them? What could you dare tell the truth about?