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Category Archives: Law of Attraction
Every day we are creating. Every minute we are presented with an opportunity to intentionally choose where to put our attention and focus. Why does that matter? Because what we focus on we get more of.
In the beginning of relationship, we focus on what we love about our partners. We focus on, and bring out, the best in each other. We delight in the pleasures and joys. We appreciate the little things and take time to acknowledge them. We expect, observe and speak the positive aspects of our partner with such overflowing abundance that we scarcely notice the flaws and breakdowns.
Over time, our attention narrows to what we don’t like and don’t want in our relationship and partners. In severe cases, we don’t see the beauty and loveliness of our partners at all anymore. We don’t feel good.
In an effort to get back to that blissful in-love state, we complain and yell and beg and withdraw as we try to articulate what is missing and desired. But working on our relationship doesn’t work! Our lack of relationship training keeps us inadvertently reinforcing painful patterns, rather than producing our positive desired results.
How can we use the art of creation to make changes in our relationship?
It has been demonstrated in quantum physics that we are continually interfacing with and changing reality with our expectations and observations. What that means practically in our relationships is that we can consciously create a great relationship where we are passionate and happy and intimate and sexual and playful, or we can, by default, unconsciously create shut down, unhappiness, arguments, disappointment, separation, loneliness and pain. We get to choose.
Every new minute is an opportunity to newly choose – do I reinforce creating what I don’t like and don’t want with my attention, or do I create more of what I DO want? Do I create more of what “has been” or do I create more of what “could be”? Do I focus on what is working or on what isn’t working? Do I appreciate what we do have, or complain about what is missing.
A successful relationship is merely a series of positive choices by both parties strung together over time. Today, I choose to focus on what I want to create. Today, I choose to create something positive in my relationship. Today, I choose to appreciate you.
But how do you shift your attention to something good when things are bad between the two of you? How do you begin creating what you want instead of what you don’t want with your partner?
There are many steps to this process, too many to include here. But, the first step is to clarify what you want. Your desires are the seeds of creation. They are very important to declare so you know what to nourish and focus on in your relationship world.
Take your complaints and problems and upsets – your “Don’t-wants” – and turn them into “DO-wants”. Feel the delightful excitement of imagining your desired outcome. Then take time to write out your best vision of what you want. Write it in the present tense. Choose words that bring to life the feeling experience you want to create in your relationship. “We are so excited to reconnect with each other at the end of our work day, and can’t wait to share with each other over dinner delights from the day.”
Knowing what you want is the first step to taking charge in the transformation of your relationship. Writing it down is a way to make it stick. Reading it regularly is a way to keep it present for you.
For inspiration, here is a snippet of our own relationship vision:
“We are celebrating almost fifteen years together. We are just as in love as when we first met. We daily enjoy the depth of our relationship and our shared love work in the world. We continue to drop down more and more fully into ourselves and with each other, and our intimacy often brings us both to tears. Our lovemaking is more present and intimate and pleasurable and creative than ever.
We use everything that shows up in our relationship as an opportunity to step more and more into the fullness of our power and love. We are committed to empowering each other’s Fullest Potential, and we daily live in a mood of appreciation and gratitude, for who we are, what we have and what we are privileged to call forth and create. We keep our focus on what we want to create, on trusting we can create whatever we want from nothing, and we don’t give energy to what we don’t like or want.
We call ourselves to rise in every area of our life. We examine and change un-resourceful beliefs and actions, and are a living inspirational example to others of what is possible. We inspire others by how we live, love and serve. Everyone we meet is enriched by our presence. We always remember that we are unlimited, that all things are possible, and we fearlessly reach out in love to be of service to others.
Life is just so fun with us. Laughter is the predominant sound in our home. We love goofing around. We are very close to our children and our time together is full of laughter, love and learning.
We live a life of such magnificent harmony and wellbeing – life unfolds in miraculous flow. Our experience of being in love, united and aligned is beyond words. We feel as though every step we take is inspired and guided by Spirit. Every day we tune into and follow impulse, amazed and surprised by the mysterious and perfect unfolding of both our simplest and grandest desires.
We begin each day grateful for another day of shared life together. And we end each day in gratitude and appreciation for this grand life and love we share.”
Over the years, we have written many different versions of our relationship vision. It is like a work of art – it always evolves.
We encourage you to write up your own relationship vision. Envisioning and writing down what you want is a powerful first step towards creating change in your relationship world. Your vision can serve as a guidepost. It can help to steer your focus and influence your choices in the steady direction of your relationship dreams.
If you want practical help to realize your vision and create a more fulfilling, joyous relationship, check out our workshops and coaching sessions at loveworksforyou.com
I just read a great book written by Harvard psychologist Shawn Achor. It’s called The Happiness Advantage. In essence, the book systematically lists the measurable advantages of “priming” your mind to be positive, or in other words, happy. This book is written mostly for use in your career and for businesses, but it of course translates directly to your personal, intimate relationships.
The author lists countless studies where test subjects are first “primed” with either negative, neutral, or positive emotions, and then asked to perform tasks of varying difficulty. Over and over again, the positively primed subjects outperform the others. Doctors make better and faster diagnosis, random people find money prizes faster, Harvard students score higher grades, on an on it goes.
The whole message is: Happiness is not just a fancy luxury, it’s the most efficient state of mind to get anything done, achieve your highest performance, and live a happy, healthy life. Now proven by science (so it’s gotta be true!)
We of course wholeheartedly agree, because many of our waking hours are dedicated to figuring out and inventing better and faster ways for you to feel better in your relationship, no matter your circumstances.
One of the best and fastest, and certainly easiest, ways to do that we learned from Abraham-Hicks. it’s called the Wouldn’t-It-Be-Great-If Game. It’s brilliant in its innocent simplicity, and it flat out works! Watch the video to see it demo’ed …
If you’ve ever seen the movie The Secret, you may have gotten the impression that all you need to do to materialize any desire into your life is to visualize its presence and then try your best to feel as if you had it already, and then POOF! your desired item, or person, should arrive.
You might very well be thinking, “WTF! Either it’s not working or I’m not doing it right, ’cause I ain’t got all the money I want, nor all the love and sex, and my partner certainly hasn’t changed much, either!”
And if you go by the sometimes magic-sounding Law of Attraction advice out there, we can see why you’d be skeptical at best, or dismayed and resigned at worst.
(To experience the Law of Attraction applied in your relationship life, join us for a free evening in Grass Valley, CA, this Thursday).
So … is the Law of Attraction real or not? Is it a hoax? And if it’s real, how DO you use it for your own benefit?
Without getting too technical or scientific about this , let’s just say what we’ve found to be valid:
- There definitely is some “force” operating that serves to match you up with someone who’s … well, a match for you. Law of Attraction is as good a term as any for this “force”, but it’s being used interchangeably with terms like the Universe, Providence, Infinite Intelligence, and many more.
- When it comes to your love life and relationship, there is DEFINITELY a force like this in play – no two ways about it!
- There’s no lack of studies and research to show that we humans have some sort of “vibration” or “frequency” – as do all energy phenomenons – and that this “vibration” has some sort of impact on the reality you find yourself in. Or create, as the case very well might be!
Back to love life and relationship … that is after all what we’re talking about here at LoveWorks:-)
To make a bold statement:
Whatever your current relationship situation – single, married, happily married, miserably married, it’s-complicated – you are indeed a match for it!
We know, that may sound wonderful if you’re doing great, and awful if you’re in an unsatisfying relationship situation.
But make no mistake; how you think and feel have a much more direct impact on your partner, or lack thereof, than you might think. In this post, we’ll stick to a very basic application.
How we know this “force” is indeed in effect is we’ve seen it hundreds and hundreds of times, long before any of us ever heard the term “Law of Attraction”. We stopped counting how many times we’ve had couples in our office where one partner is loudly complaining about the faults and shortcoming of the other partner, while at the same time displaying the EXACT same flaws and shortcomings.
A recent example, let’s call them Amanda and Matt. Amanda is, and has been for a long time, very upset that Matt is “all over the place”, that he says he’ll do this, but doesn’t; that he says he’ll be there at this time, but isn’t; that one day he’s all sweet and loving, but the next day he’s “gone”, totally unavailable. In the conversation, Amanda reveals (as it very frequently happens) that she is basically just like that herself, but (as it very frequently happens), she just can’t see it herself. She reveals that she from the very beginning she didn’t want to be in relationship with someone who has his own business, because it’s too stressful. But she is. She was always very clear that she wouldn’t be with someone who’d been married before. But she is. She insisted from the get-go that she’d never be with someone who couldn’t commit to a fixed schedule of when to be together. But she is. And so on and so forth.
Or the single woman who just can’t understand why no one is responding to her match.com profile, but when we talk a little deeper, it turns out she’s scared out of her wits that someone might actually respond!
The thing with the advice from movies or popular magazines is they’re often deliberately simplified to reach a lot of people. They’re really not intended to be detailed advice on any specific area, such as relationships. Relationships are multi-layered (some might say “bloody complicated”), because people are.
The best initial tip we have for you to begin to see where Law of Attraction is at play in your life is to ask yourself, “How am I just like that?” Or, “How am I a match for that?”
Look at areas of your relationship life that you’d like to improve, let’s say your communication with your partner. Let’s say you’re tired of how much you bicker, and how much your partner judges and criticizes you. Whenever it happens, simply ask yourself, “How am I just like that?”, or, “How might I be a match for that?” And then honestly take a look at yourself.
Granted, this is a very specific and simple application of Law of Attraction, but we want you to start with an everyday, simple area just to get started.
There are infinitely more detailed and subtle ways to leverage the Law of Attraction, but that’s for another post. We’ll just say that we use it deliberately all day, every day, to help us create the love life we want; actually, to create the LIFE we want, period. And it definitely works.
Have fun with it!
And check out our live Love and The Love Attraction evening …