Monthly Archives: April 2016
• What is my passion?
• Is this the one?
• Should I buy this?
• Where did I put my keys?
• Are my children going to turn out?
• Why does my knee hurt?
• Should I stay in this relationship?
• When and how will I die?
• What will happen to the earth with global warming?
From the mundane to the global, there are questions that plague us.
We are often immobilized by our questions. Many of us believe that we must know the answer first in order to know what action to take, lest we make a wrong move and end up where we don’t want to go.
We don’t want to make a bad choice, so we make no choice at all. We stay stuck. Take no action.
In our life, love and relationship work, we often see people in pain about whether to leave or stay in a relationship. They endlessly ruminate and process about the pros and cons. They threaten to leave, but stay, and get nowhere.
Because. The answer is in the future.
The answers to many of our questions are not knowable or seeable from where we stand now. More movement and life experience are required to reveal additional information and open new possibilities that will ultimately tell us what we want to know.
It is in the course of living, that answers come to us. They reveal themselves to us as we move. They are not figured out in advance statically by our heads, but experienced in our bodies through the course of living.
A boat that is not in motion cannot shift direction when steered. But in motion, the tiniest shift of the rudder can alter its course.
The same is true for us in life.
When we take action, any action, something new is revealed that will highlight the next action to take, and so on and so on. It is only in retrospect, that you can then say, “This is my passion”. “This is the one.” “Here are my keys.”
So we say, as long as it is a question about whether to stay or leave a relationship, choose the most loving actions you can think of to take. Be the best partner you can be. Assume that person is the PERFECT person for you to practice love with. At some point, as you do so, the answer of whether to say or go will become CRYSTAL clear.
I am reminded of that quote by Alfred D’Souza: “For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin — real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.”
Move. Decide something. Take any action. Follow your inspiration. Do what makes you feel good. And trust, that the answers to every question you have will be revealed along the way.
I had a week or two of feeling pretty shut off and contracted. I was making up all kinds of garbage about myself – “I’m not good enough”, “Things aren’t going to turn out.” On top of everything else, I was embarrassed because I am supposed to be evolved and all together as a teacher of love. I am usually the cheerleader, and now I was in need of cheerleading.
So I reached out for support. And searched my soul. And told some hard truths. In all of it, some amazing new growth occurred for me. New possibilities emerged that I hadn’t seen before. I refocused and recommitted. I returned to activities that feed my body and soul.
But what really set me free?
My son turned 18 last weekend and I wanted to do something special to celebrate his adult milestone. He really wanted to go to the beach, so I rented a couple of hotel rooms right off the Boardwalk in Santa Cruz. My daughter brought a friend, my son brought his girlfriend and a friend, my sister and her family joined in and we all had a blast together! Rides on the Santa Cruz Boardwalk, swimming in the ocean, ice cream on the beach, a sand volleyball game, sushi dinner, playing loud music in the car with the windows down, searching for Easter eggs in our hotel room, and a family board game.
What made me so happy? The fact that I was giving to all of these people, giving to my son, giving to myself. I wasn’t in my head trying to figure things out, trying to get anything in particular, trying to be anyone special. I was giving from my heart to the people I love. And that reconnected me to myself, to my passion and appreciation for life, for love, for relationship!
Christian and I watched a film last night called Kindness is Contagious. It documents what happens for human beings when we give and are given to, how it connects us and inspires us and spreads like a loving virus from person to person.
Last week, my shoemaker told me it would take two weeks to fix my boots. I commented to him about how I was going to miss them as I wore them every day, and as I left, he said, “I will get right on it!” The next day his wife surprisingly called to say my boots were done. I was so grateful that I purchased a bunch of handmade dark chocolate pieces and delivered them as a thank you for his early gift. His giving inspired my giving, and I couldn’t have been happier for the opportunity to show my appreciation!
So here I am, today, thinking about what I can give to you. What can I offer you that might make a difference, put you back in touch with yourself and your heart, and restore your passion and aliveness?
I recommend that you reach out and give to someone – a compliment, a gift, your time, a joke, a song, an apology – anything! Give to someone today, and see if it doesn’t soften you, reconnect you and step you back into love’s space where you are reminded that all is well, you are beautiful, and this is a blessed life!