Monthly Archives: May 2015

I Love You – You Drive Me Crazy Part 1

I love you, you drive me crazy!

You know that glorious in-love feeling at the start of relationship?
When you feel driven crazy, but in a good way? You can’t wait to see your partner again, to smell them and touch them and love them in twenty different ways!

As time goes on, however, after you have been with someone for a year or two or thirty, your partner starts to drive you crazy in a different way. He or she doesn’t put their clothes away, forgets to keep their promise to run an errand, misses an important anniversary or says something that hurts you to your core.
No matter how similar and well matched we are to begin with, there are ALWAYS areas where we are not.

Christian and I are no exception. Here are a few examples …

• He is disciplined and linearly focused and I am much more free flowing and emotional.

• He likes his chef’s knives to be arranged in order of size on the knife magnet and cared for a certain way. I couldn’t care less about them.

• I like to have pillows evenly and perfectly placed on the beds and couch for looks, and he’d like to throw them out, because, as he says, “they have no purpose!”

• He likes to hit the snooze button three times before getting up and I like to wake up on my own.

• He likes having an extra hour to prepare for going anywhere in the morning and I like to sleep as long as possible.

• Christian keeps the car A/C at a constant 69F. I like it set somewhere between 75 and 89F.

• I like going shopping, and browsing for the next new thing. Christian goes shopping like a search-and-rescue team, in and out as fast as possible.

Do you think we ever have conflicts about any of this stuff? You think we go crazy sometimes by these differences?

Of course we do!

And …. (this a very big AND) … We have learned to enjoy and have fun with these differences as much as possible. We have worked diligently to create win/win solutions to our differing preferences. For example, I take care of the knives for him, and he puts the pillows on the bed for me. Sometimes, he puts the heart pillow on the bed upside down on purpose, and sometimes I threaten to put his knives in the dishwasher, just so we can have a laugh about our quirks together.

You don’t HAVE to be driven crazy by each other. In fact, it is often those things that drive you crazy that you’ll miss most when your loved one is gone.

So here’s a simple strategy to try out:

Think about something that drives you crazy about your partner (or a friend, or your ex). Maybe your partner squeezes the toothpaste or puts the toilet paper roll on backwards.

Next time you see the toilet paper roll or the toothpaste tube, think to yourself, “Someone I love is near!”

And then … this is the fun part … do it for them!

That’s right. So, if I know Christian loves his knives all ordered on the magnet, I’ll do it for him (perhaps leaving one of them out of order, just so he knows I was there :).

Try it out. See what happens.

Now, granted, sometimes the “thing” they do that drives you nuts seems to big or scary to have fun with it like this.

We’ll give you a new way to think about the things that REALLY drive you crazy, and a simple tool to use.

Until next, reach out and love somebody…

Sonika & Christian

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Clean or Messy?

I’m a clean freak … (Sonika speaking).

There is nothing I like more than looking around and seeing everything neatly in its place. I feel free. Like there is nothing in my environment telling me to what to do. I can relax and follow my inspiration.

I am one of those people who will clean up your glass and put it away before you are finished drinking from it. Just the other day, Christian and I were hanging out in the kitchen. Christian turned around and said, “Where’s my tea cup?” You guessed it. I’d already put it in the dishwasher.

Needless to say, my clean streak can drive other people crazy.

Some people are not so clean and tidy. They leave things out and undone. They may have piles of paper and projects out and about, clothes on chairs or floors, counters full of stuff.

These people tend to drive neat freaks crazy.

Clean or messy – what side of the scale are you on?

This topic is one of several debates that can lead to countless fights and upsets in relationship. It can even be a deal breaker for some, and lead to separation and divorce.

So what to do when you and your partner (or parents or kids or roommate or friend) are at different ends of the clean-messy spectrum? How do you come up with a way to be together that works?

That is a big question, with many possible solutions.

In this video, we give you one idea that just might help…

Enjoy!
Sonika & Christian

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We believe relationships are meant to be fun and easy, enlivening and empowering, passionate and fulfilling. With our unique and practical approach to relationship, you learn how to resolve conflicts quickly and easily, to understand and forgive one another, and to step into love whenever you want. Click here to get free video tips on love, sex, intimacy, communication, and more.

If you liked this, you might also like:
Restoring Intimacy
Love and Giving in Relationship
Keeping Love Alive

 

Posted in Conflicts, Couples, Marriage, Marriage Counseling | Leave a comment