When you argue or have repeated, heated “discussions”, you are most often very present to all the places where you and your partner are different! After all, if you weren’t different, if you didn’t have differing stances, you wouldn’t be having any problems, right?
So if only you weren’t so different, your relationship would be easier. Or so it sure seems! How often have you or a friend of yours ended a relationship with the reasoning, “We’re just too different!”?
Well, you’re right! You are different. And that is not likely to change any time soon. Perhaps when you’re dead, but we’re not even sure about that one (eye witness reports are scarce:)
Your differences are not necessarily a problem at all, but it does take a bit of conscious practice to not get consumed with them. Especially when there’s conflict and the emotional temperature is rising.
But the fact is, the more you talk about, point out, notice, and declare your differences, the more distant and separate you feel from one another.
So, a simple way to change things around is this: Look for where you are the same! You’ll find lots and lots of examples.
Watch the video for more examples and background!