In the previous blog, we talked about how differences can drive you crazy, and how you can have a little fun with them, using the simple strategy we gave you.
But there are SOME things your partner (or friend or date or kid or ex or co-worker) that you get really mad or hurt about.
What to do then?
We’ll give you a simple but super effective way to start turning this around.
It’s not the full solution to big stuff that drives you crazy, but this piece has to come first.
The reason you feel angry, hurt, sad, or scared when you partner (or kid, ex, or co-worker) does “that thing”, is because you got “triggered”.
You partner doesn’t trigger you.
They merely reveal a trigger you already have.
Here’s an example of something that drives me crazy and triggers me:
I hate it when I am hanging out with Christian and the kids, and my son or daughter runs up to Christian to show him a YouTube video. When they do that, feel so hurt and mad. I get triggered.
So here’s the simple strategy to begin to unravel these triggers:
I ask myself:
“What do I think it means about me when my son or daughter runs up to their dad and shows him a YouTube video?”
And be brutally honest with yourself or it doesn’t work.
Well, I think it means they like Dad more than me. That I’m invisible and left out. That I am unimportant and unloved.
How do you think I feel when I think this? Yeah, absolutely awful!
And do you think I ever had those thoughts before in my life? Yes, many times. In fact, those are pretty much my biggest wounds in life.
So when I see my kids sharing a YouTube with their dad, I feel bad, because I’m instantly thinking I’m not important and they love him more than me. Ouch.
Next time something drives you crazy a big way, and you feel really mad or hurt, ask yourself this question:
“What do I think it means about me when _____[someone] does ________[what they did]?”
This is first step to freeing yourself from the tyranny of other people’s behavior.
So try it out, as best you can. And be honest with yourself when you ask this question.
Until next time, reach out and love somebody…
Sonika & Christian