I Should Have Called Her. Or, How Fear Messes You Up.

“There was no happy ending. I never called her. Using my cowardly cunning rationale, I eventually convinced myself she wasn’t that interesting anyways, that it probably wouldn’t have led to anything, and that it just wasn’t that important.”

When I was 14, I spent a week with my handball team at a tournament summer camp. There was this girl there, Britt, who caught my eye. At the final dance, we timidly chatted a bit, maybe even danced (as I recall, “dancing” meant standing across from each other looking down, trying not to move too much:)

A week after camp, I got a letter in the mail from Britt.
Oh my, she thought I was cute and wanted to talk to me again, with her phone number included and an invitation to call her. read more

Posted in Conflicts, Relationship | Comments Off on I Should Have Called Her. Or, How Fear Messes You Up.

Do You Let Fear Stop You?

“I led sexuality classes in college as a student teacher where I passed around sex toys to middle-aged women who didn’t know whether to giggle or throw up.”

Where do you stop yourself because of your fear? In what ways do you stay safe and comfortable instead of venturing out towards what you really want?


Almost always what keeps us from stepping out and taking risks is our fear of failure.
We are scared of things not turning out well. We make up a story that the outcome will be bad in the end, and we feel so uncomfortable at the mere thought of doing something new that we stop before we start. read more

Posted in Conflicts, Relationship | Comments Off on Do You Let Fear Stop You?

I’ll Be Happy When …

I was looking in my partner’s eyes and for the thousandth time feeling like something was missing. I so wanted to feel intimate, but as usual, I didn’t. I felt empty and lonely.

Even when we were lying in each other’s arms, making eye contact, I felt nothing. I kept looking for that magical in-love feeling, the sense of connection and oneness that people talk about in fairy tales. But after years, the feeling still eluded me. Why didn’t I feel that? read more

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Togetherness or Space?

For many people in relationship, fights about how much quality time to spend together or apart is commonplace. Usually one partner is arguing for more time together, while the other is arguing for more time to him or herself. read more

Posted in Conflicts, Couples, Marriage, Relationship | Comments Off on Togetherness or Space?

Is Average The New Failure?

As a coach, over and over again I witness successful people with great lives and loving relationships lament their failure because they don’t measure up to some outside image of what they think they need to be happy. read more

Posted in Conflicts, Couples, Relationship | Comments Off on Is Average The New Failure?

Relationships Shouldn’t Be So Hard (and don’t actually need to be)

FOR A LOT OF GUYS, intimate relationships are hard work!

It’s uncomfortable, way too emotional, and you’d rather just not deal with it at all, and hope it’ll work itself out. After all, she normally returns to her senses after a while. Right? read more

Posted in Marriage, Men, Relationship | Comments Off on Relationships Shouldn’t Be So Hard (and don’t actually need to be)

Not Enough

“I am not enough.”

“I am not supported.” “No one loves me.” “I am too much.”

We all have some negative self-talk that lives in us.

Almost every single person will tell you when they’re being deeply honest, that they don’t feel good enough or loved for who they are. These negative messages plague our daily lives and mess up our careers and relationships. read more

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off on Not Enough

He Wanted to Buy a Boat. She Didn’t.

He wanted to buy a boat. She didn’t.

She preferred saving the little bit of money they had left over every month until they had enough saved up before buying something extravagant like a boat. He didn’t want to wait. He pictured holidays camping, fishing, and skiing with his kids – all of which in his mind required a boat. They disagreed. They fought. They went round and round. read more

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

When You Just Can’t Agree

She wanted an open relationship, but he didn’t. After months of endless processing, he finally relented. Reluctantly, he allowed her to date others, and at some point, finally went out on a date of his own. He fell in love with someone else. She freaked out. Now she wants monogamy and he wants an open relationship. They have switched positions. read more

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Closer We Get, the Flatter We Feel

“Intimacy Kills Passion!”

Experts have discovered that not all couples end relationships because they are unhappy and miserable. Many actually leave perfectly happy, intimate, loving relationships that are working.

Why? Why would anyone leave a good relationship? read more

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment